One morning at the Cleaver residence...

Scene I: The Kitchen

June is off to a job today and Ward is filling in as best he can, for a non-morning person trying to deal with getting kids ready for school. ...and Ward's done something he rarely attempts: breakfast. Well, if you can call some phony cheese and false margarine melted into some bread in the toaster oven "breakfast"...

Enter the Beaver, saying that he absolutely has to have a check for lunch money or he won't be able to eat today. As visions of endless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches pass through Ward's head, he asks when this came up.

"Um, yesterday; that's when I got the note."

"Okay, let's see the note (hoping for information like 'how much' and 'payable to:').

"It's wadded up in my shoe; it may even be gone..."

"No note; no money..." (The Gord would be proud!)

The note wanders in, attached to the Beav's hand. It's a sorry sight, all wrinkly from living in a shoe since yesterday afternoon. Hmmm... No amount; no payable information... As a matter of fact, no information at all beyond "Pay up!"

Recap: June is a stay at home mom who takes wonderful care of the children and handles all these little problems with grace and ease; Ward isn't a morning person. ...and his artificial breakfast is getting cold.

Time to call the school. No number on the note... Okay, check the menu calendar? Brilliant idea! No number. ...just a mention that if the child's account is empty, "Alternate Foods" may be served. Ward shudders as more memories begin flooding back.

Meanwhile Scene II has been playing out in the living room:

Beaver, how much money do you have left?

I dunno...

But you just got the note yesterday?

I dunno...

You should have given it to Mom last night!


Back in the kitchen, Ward has finally found the phone number to his kid's school and reached the secretary. ...the one who trained at the local DMV. <Sigh>

Scene III: dropping the boys off

"Gee Dad, thanks for the swell check" (tears in his eyes)...

"That's okay, son; sometimes Dad just gets a little tense" (cold pseudo-cheesewich sitting like an iceberg in his stomach).

"Hey, Dad!"

"Yes, Wally?"

"He really did need that check, you know..."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, if they run out of money, they just feed them milk and bread!"

"That sounds like prison!"

"Well, sometimes they throw a fruit cup in with the milk and bread..."

...and the episode fades to a close with Ward motoring serenely off to the office, secure in the knowledge that, while he had spiked Wally's hair, he had no idea if his clothes matched.

12/11/2001 * || send comment